RiverWillow's Blog

Time for a light touch. Enjoy

In God We Trust:

“You Can’t Please Everyone, You’ve Got To Please Yourself” by Ricky Nelson

And then there is this: A MUCH BETTER VERSION:

MARK KNOEPFLER; ERIC CLAPTON; STING; P. COLLINS

WOW:

The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.  And can be found at :link

1.

• Accused, Defending His Own Case: “Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?”

The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.

2.

• Lawyer: “Did you blow your horn or anything?”
• Witness: “After the accident?”
• Lawyer: “Before the accident.”
• Witness: “Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.”

3.

• Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
• Witness: “No.”
• Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
• Witness: “No.”
• Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”
• Witness: “No.”
• Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
• Witness: “No.”
• Lawyer: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
• Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
• Lawyer: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
• Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”

4.

• Lawyer: “I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.”
• Witness: “That’s me.”
• Lawyer: “Were you present when that picture was taken?”

5.

• Lawyer: “Do you know how far pregnant you are now?”
• Witness: “I’ll be three months on November 8.”
• Lawyer: “Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?”
• Witness: “Yes.”
• Lawyer: “What were you doing at that time?”

6.

• Lawyer: “How many times have you committed suicide?”
• Witness: “Four times.”

7.

• Lawyer: “Are you married?”
• Witness: “No, I’m divorced.”
• Lawyer: “And what did your husband do before you divorced him?”
• Witness: “A lot of things I didn’t know about.”

Remember the old saying “kids say the darndest things”?  Well, they were nothing compared to what you can hear in the  average courtroom almost any day of the year.  You would think that it would be the defendant that usually makes the stupid errors, but, NO, as you can see, most often, it is the lawyers, or attorneys, as they like to be called, am going to say I believe it is because they are NOT listening, nor are they really paying attention to what is going on under their noses.  They have too many other “more important cases” that need to be thought about” while they are rambling on about “are the dead dead”   Laughing ……………………..

Anyone else have examples?

Feel free to post yours:

ULTIMATE FEMALE JOKe

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, ‘I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00…on one condition.’

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.

The man replied, ‘You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.’

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man’s hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said:

‘Clean my house.’